I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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