He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
