good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my poor anus
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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