Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
