I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
