Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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