when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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