Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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