remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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