this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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