I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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