Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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