i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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