come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
