I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
