I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
