so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
