her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
