Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
