Betty ford says i'm here all night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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