she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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