OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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