Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
