he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
