That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
