If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
