Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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