I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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