I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
