Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
