Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's always time for handjobs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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