and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
