I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
