I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
