And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This toilet bowl is my home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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