yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
