So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are we in a gay sports bar?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
