No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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