2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
