you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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