omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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