Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
