either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
