Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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