i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
