I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
