The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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