Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm at about main and main street
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
there is puke in my bra ... again
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