Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
