Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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